There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
