Well douche your snatch and let's go!
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
