it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
