Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
