i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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