I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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