Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
