so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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