Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
