If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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