Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
