I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
