grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
