he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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