At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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