piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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