Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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