I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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