Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
