It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
