i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
