She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
