HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
