just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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