hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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