I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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