now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
