I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
