The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
