My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
false alarm. still invincible.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
