He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
