Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
