You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Of course I have a pirate flag
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
