I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
