R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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