wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
