If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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