in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
