for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
