so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
