i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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