Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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