Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
