he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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