She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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