my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
