ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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