i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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