My balls are so social today.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
