At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
