she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I want her autograph on my taint
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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