So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
