the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
ok first of all what the fuck
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
