Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
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