its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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