i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
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i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
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What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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