Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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