I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
