dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
