david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
