somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
