she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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