sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
