Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
