ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
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well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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