That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
