Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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