Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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