"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
