Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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