The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
