apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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