yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
