I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
