theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
