I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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